


I Fall Apart (With All My Heart)

by Marmeladeskies



Series: The Kids Are Alright (Now)-Series [3]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Gay crisis, Hitting puberty, I can't stress this enough, It's pretty fluffy, M/M, Other, Puberty, Puppy Love, Sequel, Spin the Bottle, Teenagers, Truth or Dare, andrew struggling with his sexuality, can't tag too much because spoilers, cuteness ensues tho, kid!AU, more feelings, poor parents, they're soooo fucking hormonal omfg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2019-10-11 19:39:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17453036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmeladeskies/pseuds/Marmeladeskies
Summary: Sequel to The Kids Are Alright (Now) - Aaron and Andrew were adopted at age 2."Mom says they‘re starting puberty. Andrew knows puberty is that that weird thing with the hormones that make boys like girls and all that stuff. He‘s not stupid, after all. But so far he‘s not liking any girls, and he can‘t really imagine it, either."Puberty is hitting hard- will Neil's and Andrew' friendship make it through it?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy hey hello hi
> 
> So
> 
> Yeah, this is part two.  
> I originally planned to continue with them in elementary school, but I didn't have enough material for that. There is one chapter about it in the "Extra Content" though! 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this just as much as you enjoyed TKAA(N). Thank you again for your overwhelming response to it! <3 
> 
> I probably won't be able to keep up with a weekly updating schedule anymore, but I'll do my best- turn on the notifications if you wanna be on track at all times :)

“Mom? Are you okay?”

When Elsa opens her eyes, Aaron stands at the foot of the bed, dressed, hair combed, shoes on.   
She blinks blearily. “What time is it?”  
“It’s nine, the game starts at 10!”  
“Oh! Shit!” She must have slept through her alarm; Oskar went on a hiking trip with his friends for the weekend, having taken Monster with him. He never oversleeps. She usually doesn’t, either.   
Quickly, she swings her legs out of bed- and stops.  
Her stomach clenches, and she tastes gall on her tongue.   
“Mom…?” Aaron sounds very concerned. Elsa reaches out for him.   
“I’m okay, love. I think I just got up too fast.” She swallows hard. “Are y’all ready?”   
They’re taking Neil is she remembers correctly.   
“Yeah.” Aaron comes around the bed and offers her his hands.   
“You had breakfast?” Slowly, she takes his hands, giving him a quick hug. Aaron still likes cuddles from mom in private, even though he acts all embarrassed about his parents in public.   
“Hm-hmm.” He squeezes her back for a second. “Andrew made eggs.”   
“Alright. Just… let me get dressed. Ten minutes. Sorry.” She shakes her head; it’s like her mind is cloudy. Her stomach still feels weird.

 

While she’s in the bathroom, Aaron hovers outside the door. 

Elsa brushes her teeth sitting down on the closed toilet lid, and decides to forgo make-up entirely today. She dresses in leggings and a knitted dress, as comfortable as possible. Hopefully it’s not one of those awful stomach bugs.

 

Downstairs, Andrew and Neil are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Their Exy gear stands ready by the front door.  
“Good morning.”, Neil greets her politely when she comes into the living room.  
“Morning, mom.” Andrew looks up at her as if he’s trying to determine what’s wrong.   
“Good morning, you two. Sorry for being late, I overslept. You made eggs, Andrew?” She goes over to them and ruffles Andrew’s hair as he nods.   
“Yeah.”, he says.   
“Good job.”, she says and leans down to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Let’s go, then.”

 

In the car, Elsa is glad that the boys start talking about their game and their opponent, the Beckenridge jackals. It’s a good distraction from the rummaging in her stomach. There’s a bottle of water in the center console, but she’s afraid that she’ll throw up as soon as she takes a sip. 

 

At court, the team is already waiting for them.

 

“Our mom overslept!”, Aaron announces when they arrive. Kevin immediately goes to Neil and Andrew.   
“Sorry, sorry.” Elsa holds up her hands defensively, forcing an apologetic smile.  
“Well, go change then. Quickly.” David, Kevin’s father and the coach, ushers the boys towards the changing rooms before turning back around to Elsa.  
“Abby’s in the bleachers, second row on the left.”, he tells her. Elsa gives him a grateful thumbs up.  
Since it’s summer, they’re playing on the outside court.   
“Elsa!” Abby waves when Elsa approaches, smiling brightly at her. Abby is one of Elsa’s favourite Exy moms; she’s so young and fresh and uncomplicated.   
“Hi!” They hug, Abby making space for Elsa to sit next to her. It takes Abby about two seconds to notice something is wrong.  
“You okay? You look a little pale.”  
“Eh.” Elsa slowly sits down. “My stomach’s acting up. I overslept, too, that’s why we’re so late- Aaron woke me up.”  
“Oh, shit.”, Abby says, sitting down next to Elsa. “Stomach flu?”  
“I hope not.”  
Abby rubs her back. “Let me know if you need anything.”

 

The game goes well.

Elsa always tries not to get too involved; they’re kids, after all, but when Aaron passes to Neil and Neil makes a fantastic goal, she can’t help but jump up from her seat alongside Abby to cheer- 

and promptly vomit into the grass in front of her.  
“Oh!” Abby reaches for her hair, holding it out of her face while Elsa heaves, mortified. She just hopes her boys don’t see her like this right now.

Elsa spends the remainder of the game away from Court, which she is quite sorry about. The team wins, anyway.  
Abby stays with her, giving her water and making sure she’s alright. 

 

After the game, David takes the team to have pizza, and Abby volunteers to drive Elsa home.   
Aaron almost doesn’t want to go, but Elsa convinces him that he doesn’t need to worry for her.   
“Thank you.”, she says when Abby drops her off.   
“No problem. Rest up.”, Abby smiles. “Enjoy some kid-free time.”  
Elsa just gives her a weak smile.

 

Inside, she curls up on the couch with a warm water bottle on her stomach and a blanket around her. She feels the overwhelming urge to call Oskar, wishing he was here. So she does. 

“Love of my life?”, he answers, making her laugh.

“Are you drunk?”

“Just drunk on fresh air. How are things at home?”  
They chat, and she tells him. Oskar immediately offers to come home, but she tells him there’s no need to. “Aaron already dotes on me enough.”  
Oskar laughs softly. “Yeah.” Aaron will always be their mama’s boy.

“Tell me when it gets worse, okay? And go see a doctor.”

“I’m sure I’ll be good as new tomorrow.”

 

She’s not.  
Not on monday, either, even though Oskar is back home, making her tea and taking care of the boys.  
On tuesday, she calls the doctor’s office. She gets lucky; they have one free appointment left today because someone else cancelled.  
The nurse, a friendly young woman in purple scrubs, checks her in and leads her to one of the examination rooms.   
Elsa still feels queasy; all she could manage for breakfast has been toast.

„I‘m gonna take some blood now, and then we‘ll take a urine sample, too.“, the nurse explains in a friendly, sweet tone. Elsa just nods and tries to smile. 

„I just really want to stop feeling so ill every day.“, she forces out, voice shallow. 

„Let‘s see what we can do, then.“ The nurse hands her a little plastic cup. 

\---

„Dad, can’t we just order Pizza?“

Oskar looks up from the pot on the stovetop. Aaron lingers in the doorway, phone in hand and a grumpy expression on his face. Oskar is well used to that expression; having two pre-pubescent boys basically comes with it.   
„No. You just had pizza last week after your game. We’re having something healthy.“ He stirs once. „Besides, this is just chili. You can put a truckload of cheese on it.“  
„Vegetarian chili.“, Aaron moans, „...so basically just beans. Ugh.“  
Oskar can‘t help but grin. He picks up a lose bean that he must have missed when draining them before, and throws it at Aaron. 

„Stop complaining and get your brother. Where is he, anyway?“

„With Neil. Upstairs.“ Aaron says it like it‘s the most annoying thing ever. 

„Is Neil staying for dinner?“, Oskar asks. 

„I don’t know, Dad.“ Another eyeroll. Oh, how lovely it was back when the twins were still little and attitude was cute. 

„Go get them, then.“, Oskar repeats. Right when Aaron turns around to trudge off, he adds, „We can watch Harry Potter later if you want.“   
Aaron visibly perks up at that, even though he obviously tries hard not to. 

Ever since the boys have entered this weird, awkward developmental phase, they need time apart. Andrew spends his with Neil; Aaron, however, can’t always deal with that, and so, it’s Dad and son movie nights or fishing trips.   
„...yeah.“ Aaron nods and then finally wanders off to get Andrew. 

Oskar smiles down at his chili. 

He’s in the process of getting plates out of the cabinet when his phone starts vibrating on the countertop. 

‚Elsie♥️‘, the display reads.   
Oskar answers it with a cheery „Hello!“  
„Darling?“ Elsa doesn’t sound cheery at all, and Oskar‘s heart drops into his stomach.   
„What’s wrong?“, he asks.   
There’s the smallest pause on the other end of the line.   
Then, Elsa says: „Can you get me? Please?“  
„Is something wrong?“ Oskar is already shutting off the stove, and quickly putting the plates back.   
„Just… come get me, okay? I‘m… fine.“ 

 

Oskar feels a little sorry when he leaves the boys to have dinner on their own, but Elsa had sounded so distraught. 

When he parks at the curb by the doctor‘s office, she sits on a bench there, leaned forward, hands holding her hands.   
Oskar quickly hurries out of the car. 

„Love, what’s wrong?“ 

When she lifts her head, he sees that she‘s been crying, and his heart stops for a second. 

He sinks down on the bench beside her, grabbing her hands. They’re cold and clammy. „Is something wrong?“

She shakes her head and gives him a teary smile. „I… no… not...wrong.“

„What is it, then?“

She takes a deep breath, hands tightening around his.   
„...I’m pregnant. Ten weeks already.“ 

For a long moment, Oskar just sits there, dumbfounded. 

A slow, stupid „…What?“ is the only word he can manage after his silence, and Elsa‘s laugh that follows is the most beautiful thing he‘s ever seen. 

„I‘m pregnant, you oaf! The doctor looked at me like I was the virgin Mary, and it‘s a risk pregnancy, but… I am.“

Oskar is glad he’s sitting. Otherwise he‘d probably tip over right around now.

Due to Elsa‘s medical history, they‘d never expected having children on their own, and it wasn’t like it mattered, really. Adoption had been just as valid, and the twins are their children, whether they‘re related by blood or not.  
For years, they tried anyways, but never successfully. And it‘s fine, really, they’ve already got two wonderful children. 

„Hello?“ Oskar startles when Elsa snaps her fingers in front of his face. 

„Uh, sorry. I… I‘m…“ He slowly shakes his head. 

„Right?“ Elsa laughs again, and links her fingers with his. 

„We’re… having a baby.“

„...another baby.“, Elsa corrects him, and leans her head onto his shoulder.


	2. Angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hope you enjoy this :) I'm really happy with how this turned out.   
> Thank y'all so much for all the nice comments you left <3 
> 
> I just want to say: if you message me on Tumblr (marmelade-sky.tumblr.com) and ask nicely, there's, like, a big chance of some extra-extra content ;)

„So, mom‘s pregnant.“

Andrew lets his legs dangle over the edge of the treehouse.   
Neil is sitting by his side, a twizzler in his hand, nibbling away. It annoys Andrew how he never takes real bites out of sweets (it doesn’t, really).

„Oh? Congratulations?“ Neil looks up from his twizzler and Andrew can see how his lips are a really stupid shade of red, stained from the candy.   
Andrew rolls his eyes at him. 

He doesn’t know how to feel about the idea of a little sibling. Aaron feels like one most of the time.   
„That’s gonna be really weird, having a baby around.“, Neil muses, finally taking a bite. 

Andrew shrugs. He doesn’t really know any babies. „I hope it doesn’t scream too much.“

„You can just stay over at my place if it does.“, Neil offers, „...or we‘ll sleep up here.“ 

For some reason, that makes Andrew‘s face feel all hot, and his stomach all tingly, so he doesn’t reply.   
Down on the lawn, Monster is chasing a butterfly. What if the new baby is allergic to dogs? It would be a shame if they‘d have to get rid of it. ...the baby, that is.   
Neil has finally finished his twizzler and is moving to the edge of the platform now, dangling his legs as well. He sits really close to Andrew, so close that Andrew can smell his dumb shampoo. 

He reaches out and pinches his leg. Neil flinches, and immediately, Andrew feels sorry. But only until Neil grabs his wrist and keeps it between his hands.   
Andrew pulls it away because Neil holding his hand feels weird all the way in his stomach. Neil gives him a strange look, but Andrew keeps his eyes trained on the grass all the way down. 

„I could easily throw you off from here.“ He doesn’t even know why he says that.

Neil frowns. „Stop being mean.“

„I’m stronger than you.“ 

Neil clicks his tongue in the way that always earns him a lecture about attitude in school. „I know, Andrew.“

Then, none of them say anything for a few minutes.   
Right when Andrew is starting to feel angry, about the silence and just in general, Neil asks: „Are you angry about the baby?“, and now, now Andrew swears he’s gonna throw Neil down the treehouse. 

But he won’t. He just rolls his eyes. „Why would I be? Stop asking dumb questions.“ With a little too much force, he pulls his feet back from the ledge and stands up. Neil hates it when he stands this close to the edge. 

„I‘m going home.“, he says. 

 

The way Neil looks up at him sticks to the inside of Andrew‘s head for the rest of the day. 

He doesn‘t know why Neil is annoying him so much sometimes. Neil is his best friend, really, even better than Monster, if Andrew is honest. Far better than Kevin or Nicky. Aaron doesn‘t really count as friend, they‘re related after all.   
Mom says they‘re starting puberty. Andrew knows puberty is that that weird thing with the hormones that make boys like girls and all that stuff. He‘s not stupid, after all. But so far he‘s not liking any girls, and he can‘t really imagine it, either. Andrew starts feeling nauseous when he thinks about that, so he forces himself not to.   
That dumb baby is enough to think about, anyways. 

Aaron seems to be really happy about it, but Aaron is still a baby himself, so no wonder. Andrew wonders if Aaron will still like the baby once it steals Aaron‘s precious mommy time. None of Andrew‘s friends have any siblings; not Neil, and Kevin neither, even though his mom is still really young. She‘s not his real mom but that doesn‘t matter anyways. It strikes Andrew as unfair that he will have to deal with not one, but two siblings. 

„Andrew?“ Aaron pokes his head through the door to his room, „Play Mario Kart with me?“ 

Andrew throws a pillow at him. „Fuck off!“

„I‘m telling mom!“ Aaron ducks. Andrew only threw half-heartedly anyways. 

„Go do it then, cry baby!“, Andrew yells back, „And close the door!“ 

-

Andrew gets into a fight at school. 

They‘re in the cafeteria, him and Neil and Aaron and Kevin, eating their too-thin potato soup, when Riko walks by.   
Riko is an asshole and a bully and really mean to everyone. Neil doesn‘t like him at all, and Kevin is scared of him because Riko and him used to be friends or something until Kevin didn‘t join the same Exy team as Riko, and Riko told his friends to beat Kevin up. Andrew usually doesn‘t care about Riko in the slightest, but today-... well. 

„Ewwww, look at the weirdo table over there!“, Riko says loud enough for everybody to hear as he walks by their table, his entourage of idiots behind him. 

Andrew can feel Neil tense up next to him, and looks up to see Riko approach with a shitty, mean smile.   
„Hey, twinyards, is it true that your „parents“ are having another baby?“ He draws quotes in the air with his fingers. 

„Shut up! That‘s none of your business!“, Aaron immediately snarls. But by responding to Riko‘s verbal jab, he‘s giving Riko what he wants. The shitty smile turns even   
more cruel. 

„Maybe they‘ll give you back once they‘ve got a real kid!“ 

Andrew looks up to Aaron the second that comes out of Riko‘s mouth, and catches the flicker of hurt across his brother‘s face. 

„Do you think they will? I mean, who‘d want to keep you two weirdos when-“

Riko doesn‘t get any further.   
Andrew stands, his bowl of soup in hand, and before Riko can react, Andrew pours the soup all over Riko‘s head. 

 

Their parents are called, but Andrew knows that, whatever punishment he will have to endure, it will be worth the look on Riko‘s face and the way he cried out when the soup ran into his eyes. 

Aaron sits next to him in the principal‘s office and looks way more worried than Andrew even feels. He‘s pulling on the fringes of his sleeves, unravelling a lose thread there. 

„You should have just left it alone.“

„Nah.“, Andrew replies lazily. „He deserved it.“ 

There‘s a brief silence between them, then Aaron says „...maybe he‘s right, though. I mean, obviously, Mom and Dad can‘t give us back, but, y‘know… what if they… love the new baby more?“   
It comes out all small and quiet and makes Andrew want to hurt Riko all over again. 

Right in that moment, the door opens and the principal pokes her head in. „Andrew, Aaron, your father is here for you.“ 

-

„I‘m really disappointed, just for the record. But we‘ll talk when we‘re home. With your mother.“ 

Aaron sniffles as Dad guides them out of school, and Andrew elbows him in the side. Bad enough that other kids can see them here with their Dad, but if Aaron cries now where everybody can potentially see, Riko won’t ever stop bullying him. 

Dad manages exactly five minutes of the way in stern silence, before he asks „So, what happened? Andrew?“

„Riko talked shit.“, Andrew says matter-of-factly. 

„Young man, you’re already on really thin ice, so stop it with the swear words immediately.“ Dad sounds really mad now.   
They don’t talk for the rest of the way, but eventually Aaron starts crying silently in the backseat next to Andrew. 

Dad doesn’t notice. 

 

Mom waits for them in the foyer. She’s wearing pyjama pants and she looks really tired, and the second Aaron sees her he starts crying really hard and goes to her.   
And of course she hugs him, looking across his head to Dad, who does his best to look stern, still. 

If anyone will be given back, The Nasty Voice inside of Andrew’s head says, it won’t be Aaron. 

„What happened?!“, Mom asks Andrew. „You got into a fight?“

„Uh-huh.“ Looking at her is hard. 

Aaron hiccups loudly against her shoulder, and Andrew really wants to pinch him right now.   
„Why?“, she just asks and the expression on her face reminds Andrew of that one time he had miscalculated the jump at the pool and landed on his stomach. „...let’s got to the living room, I have to sit down.“

When she opens the living room door, Monster comes bounding out, right for Andrew- but she stops in her tracks, and sniffs at Aaron‘s leg, giving a worried whine. When he doesn’t react, she moves on to Andrew and presses her snout into his hand. He scratches her head before following Mom and Andrew into the living room.   
Mom sits on the couch, her legs crossed, and Dad sits next to her, and they look like parents in movies who are about to say something really stupid like „You can tell us anything“ or „You’re grounded“.

Aaron is still sniffling and wiping at his eyes when he sits down on the recliner. Andrew decides to just throw himself down on the floor so Monster can crawl into his lap. 

„So?“, Mom prompts. 

Andrew scratches Monster‘s ear. He doesn’t feel all that angry anymore, he just feels… bad.   
Yeah, bad. It’s fine to feel bad sometimes., he remembers Bee saying.   
Like someone took his stomach out of his belly. 

„Some kid talked sh-... bad stuff.“, he admits. 

Mom and Dad exchange a glance. „...what did the kid say?“, Dad asks, but before Andrew can answer, Aaron says, „Nothing!“

Aaron has never been a good liar, and this lie is so obvious; Mom and Dad of course immediately know something is up. Andrew can’t even manage to give Aaron a Look, though. 

Mom and Dad just sit there and wait in silence, Mom looking tired and Dad looking mad. 

„He said you‘ll give us back once you have the new baby.“

 

It comes out so quick that Andrew is absolutely sure their parents can’t have understood. 

But they did. 

Both of their expressions turn into worry.

„What did you do, after he said that?“, Mom asks but now she sounds less angry. Much less. 

„...I poured soup over his head.“, Andrew replies. 

Mom and Dad look at each other, and suddenly, Mom claps a hand over her mouth- at first, Andrew thinks he’s crying, and his stomach goes shwoop, but then, suddenly, she laughs.   
„Oh, Andrew.“ She stands so quickly that Dad reaches out for her, „My boy.“ 

And then she hugs him. 

 

They talk about it some more, after that hug, but it turns out Mom and Dad aren’t all that mad once they know the whole story. Dad actually mentions calling school to speak to them about the bullying that seems to go on.   
Of course, Mom says, it’s never good to solve conflicts with physical violence. But she looks a little proud when she says it.   
When they‘re done with that topic, an awkward little silence comes up. 

„...you guys know we’ll never give you back, right? Or love you any less, because of the new baby, yeah?“, Dad eventually says. He has that weird look on his face that means he might cry because he loves them all so much. Usually, Andrew hates that look, but right now… well. 

„You’re our children.“, Mom adds, „We changed your diapers, fed you, bathed you, clothed you and held you in our arms to make you fall asleep. No matter if you were ever in my belly or not, you’re just as much our children as this one will be.“ 

She rubs her tummy as she says it, and it kind of hits Andrew in that second: there’s an actual baby, a human, growing in there. Pretty wild.   
He zones out as Mom and Dad go on, and wonders if it will be a girl or a boy. Maybe it’ll be a monster baby with two heads. 

Or maybe it will be twins again. 

At least, he catches himself thinking, that baby will never have to go to an orphanage, or be taken by child services. It’ll be born into quite the awesome family, he has to admit. Even if it‘ll have a crybaby brother, an overly emotional Dad and a slightly overprotective Mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think in the comments or on tumblr! :)


	3. Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo friends
> 
> thank you for your amazing feedback <3 It's always so nice to hear that this fic makes you smile. 
> 
> Are you ready for more Feels? then buckle up
> 
> (also message me on tumblr if you want to!)

Since Andrew has moved to the other room, he can look across their yards right into Neil’s window. Maybe that’s why he volunteered to be the one to move rooms instead of Aaron. One time, him and Neil tried making one of those tin can phone things, but then the string wasn’t long enough and their plan didn’t work out.   
Andrew wishes it had, though. 

After their fight on the tree house and the whole thing with Riko, him and Neil haven’t talked much. 

And it sucks. 

Neil is kinda normal towards him at school, but Andrew feels like something is wrong between them, a strange ache in on the bottom of his stomach, and he hates it. It makes him sad, and he hates being sad.  
Aaron seems back to normal, or at least seems like he is; he’s happy and annoying as always.   
Andrew knows what Mom might say, that he could apologize to Neil, or that Neil probably doesn’t mean to shut him out. But Andrew doesn’t want to talk to Mom about it. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. 

-

He’s walking Monster when he sees it: Kevin’s bike in Neil’s front yard. 

Kevin’s bike is bigger than his or Aaron’s or Neil’s, and it’s metallic blue, and Andrew has probably seen it hundreds of times already but right now, he can’t stop staring at it.   
His stomach curls into a hot, angry, painful ball, one of those he likes to hit all the way across the Court. He’s good at that.   
He’s not good at handling this stupid new emotion.   
Immediately he wonders if he’s heard Neil and Kevin talk about this at school, if they have a project together, or if they’re just meeting up to play Exy or if they’re just hanging out.   
And then he wonders why they didn’t ask him, too, and his stomach clenches again.   
They didn’t have to ask him, did they? They can do whatever they want, without him, and if Neil wants Kevin as new best friend, that’s fine. It’s really just fine, Andrew tells himself as he runs the last part of the way home, Monster bounding alongside of him with glee like nothing is wrong.

 

When he enters the house, he almost trips over a pair of black combat boots in the hallway- which means Aunt Alice is here.  
Andrew hesitates. He feels shitty and his stomach still hurts really bad and also his eyes itch in that stupid, stupid way, but… Aunt Alice is really cool. She has a motorcycle after all.

He’s quiet, listening- and he can already hear Mom’s and Alice’s voices from the kitchen. 

Maybe just for a moment. Maybe they’ll have cookies.

For a long time, Aaron and him had thought either Aunt Alice or Mom must be adopted.  
Mom’s a mom, who likes baking cookies and takes them swimming and to Exy games, and who’s decidedly uncool in that mom kind of way.  
Aunt Alice is… pretty cool, at least as far as Andrew is concerned. She only ever wears black, she has a tattoo and- the best- she rides a motorcycle!   
Andrew can hear her laugh through the door right before he enters, low and hoarse like she always has a cold. Andrew likes her voice, and she can sing really well. Mom can’t sing at all.

“-called her and told her: no fucking way!”, Alice finishes her story when Andrew enters, and Mom laughs, too. She never laughs when any of them swear.   
Monster gives him away because she speeds into the kitchen and presses herself against Alice’s leg. 

“Andrew!”, Mom greets him, smiling. Andrew tries to ignore the way his stomach still burns, and smiles a little. 

“Hi. Hi Auntie Alice.” 

“Andrew!” Alice looks up from Monster, and smiles at him broadly, and then she reaches across the table and holds her hand out for a high five, “Your mom just told me you poured soup all over a bully!”

Mom rolls her eyes at Alice, but Andrew can’t help but grin a little as he high fives her back, and then he shrugs. 

“Good job. People don’t get to be mean to you.” Alice sounds fierce and proud of him. 

“Don’t encourage him.”, Mom says softly, but it sounds like she doesn’t mean it and Alice winks at Andrew, and then she pushes the plate of cookies that’s been sitting between them towards him with a smirk. 

Andrew takes one. 

“Hey, did you see that Kevin and Neil are playing outside?”, Mom asks cheerily, “Neil keeps looking over like he wonders where you are, I can see it through the window!” Andrew almost drops his cookie as the bad feeling from before makes a sudden, slamming reappearance. 

“Maybe you can go over and join them! I’m sure they’d like to have a goalie to make their game more exciting!”

Andrew shakes his head, trying to look as casual as possible. He doesn’t look at Mom or Alice. 

“No.”

“No you didn’t see or No you don’t wanna go?”

“No, I don’t wanna go.”, he clarifies, “God, mom, stop!” It comes out way harsher than intended, but what’s her business anyways?! 

He can see that Mom’s shooting Alice a Mom Look, and that only pisses him off further.   
Before any of them can say anything, Andrew turns around. He should have gone straight to his room. “I’m going upstairs.”

“Okay… well, it was nice seeing you, buddy!”, Alice says. Andrew is almost out of the door already. When he closes it, he hears her quietly say, “Damn, puberty is really hitting, huh?” to Mom, and the feeling of betrayal adds to the painful ball in the pit of his stomach. 

 

\--

Elsa looks at the door that’s just been slammed shut, worrying at her bottom lip, and lets out a little sigh.

Alice opposite of her leans back in her chair. “You used to be just like that when you were that age.”, she says, and when Elsa turns around to face her again, she can see the Alice-smirk on her face. 

“Hey, I was such a good kid!”, she protests, wrapping her hands around her mug of tea.

“Yeah, but you were a prissy little bitch when you were angry or sad.”, Alice retorts. 

“At least I didn’t try to pierce my nose with a safety pin!”, Elsa shoots back, and then they both laugh.

“Pff, I file that under character development.” Alice shrugs cooly.

There’s a brief silence in which Elsa starts to worry again. Her hand, automatically going to her belly, rubs little circles.   
“...I… worry that I’m not there for them as much as I should be at the moment.”, she admits quietly after a moment.

“Oh that’s bullshit, Elsie.” Alice reaches across the table and wraps her hand around Elsa’s; it’s much tanner and much less manicured, and makes Elsa feel supported. 

“You’re the best mom on the planet, I swear. And, y’know, not that I’m an expert on this, but it seems to me that it’s normal for kids that age to make their parents feel that way. All those new emotions and hormones kicking in.” Alice rubs her thumb over the back of Elsa’s arm. “...and you asking yourself that is probably proof enough that you haven’t lost touch with them.” 

Elsa hums softly. “...I think I’ll try and ask him what’s up later. He’s been weird for a few days now.” 

“That bully thing?”, Alice asks, “Didn’t Ozzy call the school?”

“No, I think before that already.” Elsa shakes her head. 

“Lovesick?”, Alice asks with a little smile. 

Elsa huffs. “I sure as hell hope not, he’s way too young!” 

“Well, when did you have your first crush?”, Alice asks. She takes her hand away to sip her mug. 

Elsa can’t help but laugh. “...Danny Gallagher, 7th grade I think. Gosh, such a big crush.” 

“See?”, Alice smirks, “Middle school!”

“Ugh, stop!”, Elsa laughs, leaning back in her chair, and then asks, “Who was yours?! You never told me!”

“...do you remember that babysitter we had when you were, like...5?”, Alice asks. Elsa covers her face and starts laughing. “You had a crush on Olivia?!” 

“Well, yeah! She had pretty hair and she smelled really nice! And she always let me be the knight when we played princess in the castle!” Alice lifts her hands defensively. 

Elsa is still laughing, head in her hands. „God, your type hasn’t changed at all.“

Alice shrugs. „What can I do? I like consistency.“

„How old were you back then?“, Elsa asks, her laugh fading into a smile, „Eight? Nine?“

„Nine, I think.“, Alice replies, „But I think it took me a while to realize that, y‘know, it was a proper crush. I thought I just… liked her. Found her cool, and she was pretty after all.“

Elsa hums in understanding.   
„That early?“

„Yeah, I mean… probably since I was little. Always.“

Elsa breaks out into an involuntary laugh. „Don’t Harry Potter me.“

„If anything, I’m Snaping you.“

„Nerd.“

„Thanks.“

-

Elsa can’t stop thinking about Andrew’s behaviour that afternoon. Of course, the boys have been touchy and sensitive lately, but this outburst was an especially harsh one. What bothers Elsa most, though, is that the subject of it was Neil. 

Ever since they met, Andrew and Neil have been friends. Neil is, as far as Elsa can tell, Andrew’s best friend, and sometimes the only person who seems to be able to read him. They just vibe like the best of friends do. The only fights they ever had were little ones, and resolved within minutes. And Kevin never seemed to be an obstacle either. This whole thing worries Elsa, and the exchange and Andrew’s behaviour turn over and over in her head. She also remembers the way she saw Neil peeking across the fence while playing with Kevin in the backyard, like he was looking for Andrew somewhere.

When Alice is gone and Elsa is sorting their used mugs into the dishwasher, she can hear the dull bass of some kind of loud music through the ceiling. Uh oh. 

Time to mom up. 

 

She can hear the music all the way down the hallway. It’s something with lots of guitar and drums and a fast-paced, good beat. She has to admit she kind of likes it- a good soundtrack for teenage rebellion. 

There’s a sign on Andrew’s door which has been given to him by Alice for his 13th birthday, saying „teen zone- no entry for parents!“ and below it „unless you bring snacks“. She hesitates at the sight of it, and then decides to turn back around.

 

She feels a little better equipped when she knocks for real a few minutes later, a tray with cookies and hot chocolate in her hands.   
It takes a few moments for Andrew to turn the music down. She knocks again. 

„Andrew, can I come in?“

There’s rustling from inside, and the noise of a laptop slamming shut, and then a low „Yeah“.  
She opens the door with her elbow, and enters. Andrew sits on his bed, the closed laptop next to him, and looks like he’s trying really hard to be casual right now.   
She gives him a smile and puts the cookies down on his desk. „I thought you might want a snack.“   
Andrew’s room is nice and tidy, he’s never been the messy type (in contrary to Aaron, whose greatest accomplishment in that regard was forgetting to empty out his rotting lunch box over one remarkable summer break). 

„...thanks.“, Andrew says after a moment, and scoots to the edge of the bed to grab a cookie. 

Elsa sits down on his desk chair, and for a moment, neither of them say anything. Elsa wonders if Stuart has the same awkward conversations with Neil. 

„Sweetie… I’m a little worried.“, she starts eventually, as gentle as she can. „Are you alright? You seem… quiet the last few days.“

She knows that she’s hit a nerve when Andrew clears his throat and then stuffs the entire cookie into his mouth in one bite.   
She waits until he’s chewed and swallowed, but even after, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, his eyes wander to the window behind her, the one that faces the Hatford‘s house. 

„Did you and Neil have a fight?“, Elsa asks, carefully probing. 

Andrew nods, and there it is, on his face, that hurt. 

„Do you want to tell me what happened?“, she asks. The mom part of her brain just wants to wrap Andrew in a big hug until he smiles again, but she also knows that won’t work; he’s not a toddler anymore, he needs more than toys and cuddles to be happy now. 

Andrew looks down at his lap, picking at the skin on his thumb with the opposite index finger.   
He inhales, and then quietly says „I… I was mean to him.“

For a second, Elsa is taken aback. This is different to what she expected. If she’s honest, she expected some kind of childish dispute, or, much worse, something related to the bullying by that Riko kid.   
She didn’t expect Andrew to admit he did wrong.   
Then again, it immediately makes perfect sense now why Andrew is so torn up about this. 

„Why were you mean to him?“

Andrew shrugs. „Dunno.“ Elsa can hear in his voice that this isn’t true, but she doesn’t say so. He needs to figure this one out for himself.

„Sometimes he just… annoys me.“, Andrew adds, but it sounds more like a question. 

„Annoys you? How?“

„Sometimes I look at him, and he’s not even doing anything, and I kind of get pissed off.“ Andrew reaches out and pushes one of the cookies around on the plate. 

„...and then you’re mean to him even if you don’t mean to be?“, Elsa finishes for him. 

Andrew breaks the tiniest piece off the cookie. „...yeah.“, he says and it’s really quiet. 

„...and it sucks and makes you feel like an asshole because he’s your best friend and you’re not really annoyed with him?“ Andrew’s head snaps up at her when she uses such a naughty word, and the trace of a smile appears on his lips. 

He nods.

“Did you apologize to him?”, Elsa asks, and that smile vanishes.

Andrew shakes his head. 

“You could, though. I bet he’d forgive you. Actually, I bet he’s missing you.” 

The noise that escapes Andrew is somewhere between a hiss and a snort, and then his cheeks are turning pink, and all of the puzzle pieces in Elsa’s head click in place within one second. 

It’s kind of obvious, isn’t it.   
But again- Andrew needs to figure that one out for himself. 

“It’s okay to be stupid sometimes, and do things you don’t mean. Everybody does that. What matters is owning up to it, Andrew, and being able to admit that you were in the wrong.” 

Andrew’s gaze is turned down into his lap, and he’s still worrying at his cuticles. 

“...can I hug you?”, Elsa asks after a moment. He looks so miserable and small right now. 

Andrew nods. She stands, and then walks over to sit down on the bed.   
Andrew leans into the hug, which is something that doesn’t happen often, and a telltale sign that he’s not okay right now.   
Elsa’s heart is crumbling a little for her son, and so she hugs him tight, as tight as she can with the belly in the way. He’s so big now, almost as tall as her (which isn’t really an accomplishment since she’s tiny, but anyways), and it makes her emotional. 

For a long moment, they just hug. 

Then, Elsa presses her lips to Andrew’s forehead, and whispers: “I love you, Andrew. Dad and I, and Aaron, we’ll always love you, just the way you are, no matter what.” because she needs to say it right now, and the way Andrew curls his head against his chest and hides his face tells her he needs to hear it, too. 

-

Andrew finds Neil in the yard, where he’s hitting exy balls against the garage door, making them ricochet back at himself, and then tries to catch them with his racket.  
Andrew approaches him slowly. He even left Monster inside the house because she’s way too emotional for these things. 

“Hey.”

It makes Neil look up, and there’s a concentrated crease in his forehead that smoothes out when he sees Andrew.

“Hey.” Neil’s chin juts out.

“...has Kevin gone home?”, Andrew asks. Obviously he has. Neil nods anyway. “Curfew.”

Andrew nods, and picks up one of the exy balls, squeezing it hard in his hand because it helps him feel less like he’s been thrown into piranha infested water.  
He swallows.

“Are you mad at me still because I was mean to you?” He says it way too fast, but Neil catches on anyways, and the crease comes back.

“What?! No! I thought you were mad at me!” 

And there goes Andrew’s stomach again, plummeting all the way to Australia or wherever. It’s a good plummet this time, though.  
“Why did you think I was mad?”

“Cause I asked about the baby too much?”, Neil says, and it sounds like he’s a second away from adding “duh!” to it. 

Andrew shakes his head. He kinda wants to say, No, it was because you held my hand and made me feel all buzzy and strange, but he doesn’t because it makes him feel all buzzy and strange all over again in that way he doesn’t wanna talk about.

“Nah, I think I was just… in a really bad mood that day.” He pauses. Neil gives him a little smile. “...felt better when I poured that soup all over Riko though.”

Neil laughs, genuinely, which makes his eyes all small and his curls bounce and shows off that one crooked canine tooth he has, and Andrew can feel a grin tug at his mouth.

“D’you wanna play with me, Drew?”, Neil asks then, holding up his racket, and it feels like a peace offering. “You can guard the goal, and I’ll practice shots? ...Kevin’s shit at goalkeeping.”

Buzz buzz, Andrew’s heart goes, and he nods.


	4. Wondering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I know this is barely even a chapter. I tried so hard to make this happen in the past few weeks, to make it a longer chapter also involving the twins but it just would. not. happen. And so I thought I'd rather give you a tiny bit of quality instead of a big piece of shit haha 
> 
> enjoy and thank you all for your continuing support!!!! <3

Stuart bought a new TV for the living room, and so they’re watching a show on Netflix while having breakfast.  
It’s a sitcom type thing, with laughter playing in the background so everybody knows what’s supposed to be funny. So american. Stuart forgot its name almost instantly.   
It’s about a family with two children, an extremely attractive mother and an astonishingly stupid father. Currently, the son, who seems to be about Neil’s age, is revealing to his sister that he is crushing on a girl at school and doesn’t know how to talk to her.

And that kind of… makes Stuart think.

So far, girls (or boys) never came up. Neil doesn’t seem to show interest in romance yet. Or maybe Stuart just doesn’t know? Oh god, what if Neil is hiding something from him? Stuart knows he’s not the best conversationalist, but he wants Neil to trust him. 

“...so… are _you_ seeing anyone?”, he asks as casually as he can when the show cuts to the next scene.

Neil turns his head to look at him, frowning. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, do you, like… like somebody.” Yikes. This is more than awkward. 

Neil’s frown deepens as he blows one of his unruly curls out of his face, obviously oblivious. “...I like Andrew?”, he supplies after a second. “...and my other friends?”

Oh, sweetheart. Stuart can’t help but smile. “I meant if you’re dating anyone, Neil.”   
Neil looks extremely weirded out in that sassy teenager kind of way. “...no.”, he says, and then turns back to the TV. 

Stuart lets out a breath. Halleluja. “Okay. Just asking. You know, you can always tell me if you need any advice or-”

“I don’t.”

“Okay then.”

They finish watching the show in silence, but Stuart feels a little calmer.


	5. Embarrassed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I was blessed by the Muse overnight, because today I got up at 7 and sat down and finished this damned chapter, which was originally supposed to go around the previous one but oh well.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it; it deals with a bit of a touchy subject: the Talk.

„Darling, did you see the boys‘ school schedule?“ They‘re sitting in bed and Oskar has his hand on Elsa‘s baby belly, stroking gently. It‘s still barely a bump, but they‘re both so proud of it. 

„What do you mean?“ 

„Well, they‘re in 7th grade, I thought they‘d go over the birds and bees this year, but apparently they don‘t? I e-mailed the school and apparently some dumbfuck parent complained last year and now they‘re doing it in 8th grade.“ 

Oskar grins when she swears; it‘s awesome how worked up she can get about things like this. 

„I don‘t really see either of them too interested in sex in the near future, babe.“

„That‘s not what this is about, though, Oskar. They most likely have some questions, who doesn‘t at that age. Especially now that-“ She just points at her belly.  
Oskar sighs. Elsa is right, but he can‘t say he‘s too comfortable with the thought of talking to his boys about sex. 

„Maybe when the occasion arises we can say something… I don‘t want it to be all stiff and uncomfortable.“, he suggests. „It‘ll be awkward anyways.“  
He remembers his mother asking him in a stern voice: „You do know babies don‘t come from the stork, don‘t you?“ and that had been it. 

„My sex talk wasn‘t uncomfortable.“, Elsa says, putting her hand over his on her belly. 

„Yeah, because Alice did it.“

Elsa chuckles. „She did a great job, though. She didn‘t just explain the mechanics but also how sex is supposed to be fun and feel comfortable. And consensual. I think that‘s really important.“ 

Oskar agrees with a nod. With the internet and all, maybe it is better if it‘s the parents explaining all that stuff before the kids can traumatize themselves by googling. 

“Alright.”, he sighs, and leans his head against Elsa’s shoulder. “...that’s gonna be damn uncomfortable for us and them, though.” 

Elsa presses a kiss to his head but rolls her eyes. “Oh come on. Sex is natural.” 

Can’t argue with that. 

-

They were supposed to do it on saturday, at dinner, all organized and as a family. They would have had a big, nice talk, the boys could ask questions, and then they’d give the boys some space to process the new information.

What happens is that Elsa walks in on Aaron watching porn.

She doesn’t really see anything, but it’s enough to know what’s going on on the screen of his phone. There’s naked skin and something flesh-colored bouncing up and down and she instantly wishes she could just cut the part of her brain that saves this memory out of her head. 

A choked “Oh, gosh.” is the only thing that escapes her before she steps backwards out of his room, almost dropping the laundry basket, and before she slams the door shut she see that Aaron literally throws the phone away, headphones hitting the wall besides him and scrambles on the bed, obviously startling hard. 

For a second, Elsa just stands in the hallway, one arm clutching onto the laundry basket, the other hand over her mouth, eyes wide, not breathing. 

Porn, per-se, isn’t bad, and she would lie if she’d say that she’s never seen one. Sometimes, it’s just nice to have a bit of visual stimulation, to watch some overly attractive people go at it and maybe do hot things that don’t seem so hot in real life. 

But this is her son, her baby, and knowing that he might be watching something that might give him unrealistic expectations of sex does not bode well.  
Shit. 

-

She texts Oskar about what happened and gets back a long string of laughing emoji and ‘poor Aaron!’.  
They agree that they have to have a talk with them. Soon. 

She sends a text into their family group chat for the boys to be home for dinner. She knows that Aaron is probably sitting in his room, anxious as hell right now, thinking he’ll get a scolding.  
And as much as the idea of him being afraid pains her, she can’t quite bring herself to go back up there just yet. 

-

They always tried to make sure the boys know the basics. The anatomical differences between men and women, the proper names for body parts, where babies come from, no means no, etcetera. 

But in the past, when the boys were little, they never really cared much. They accepted every piece of new information on the topic and moved on with their lifes. This feels a little more… weighty. 

Oskar brings home take-out after work. Maybe it’s a cheap bribe, but Elsa hopes it will kind of take away the gravity of things a little bit. 

Aaron has been hiding in his room or out of her sight all day after the incident, and when he comes down to dinner, he avoids her eyes and hangs his head.  
Andrew, with no reason to be afraid of this dinner or conversation, strolls in last, putting his phone on the kitchen counter before sitting down with his family. 

Elsa and Oskar exchange a look while Andrew suspiciously eyes the food. 

“Take-out? On a weeknight? What happened?”, he asks. 

Oskar snorts. “So perceptive.”

Aaron sinks deeper into his chair, ears going red. Andrew frowns at his parents. 

Elsa, under the table, worries at her cuticles. They had such a nice plan. And with both of the boys looking so bothered (in different ways), it would feel wrong to even ask them how their day was. 

“So.” She’s so grateful that Oskar starts this conversation. “Mom and I had a look at your curriculum for this year, and noticed that sex ed was not on it.”

Aaron instantly blushes tomato red, and Andrew looks at them with genuine horror in his eyes as he realizes what this is about.  
Okay, time to mom up. 

She holds a hand up. “Before you panic, let me just say: we just want you to be comfortable and safe and informed. We care about you, you know that. We just want you to be...safe. And informed.”

“...you already said informed, mom.”, Andrew finds his voice again, but there’s a little blotch of red spreading high on his cheeks that betrays his coolness. 

“Listen, I know you two probably think this is awkward as hell, and it is, but I remember being your age and not having anyone to talk to or ask.”, Oskar explains, “And we just want you to know that we’re here for you in case you need to know anything.” 

“Do we really have to do this?”, Andrew asks, nose curling, “We have the internet nowadays, y’know.”  
There’s half an eye roll tacked on the end of that sentence.  
Monster trots through the kitchen door and under the table, flopping down on her side beneath Andrew’s feet as if she wants to be here for this conversation. 

“Well, the internet isn’t always the most reliable source in this case.”, Oskar argues. Aaron genuinely looks like he is about to cry. Elsa feels horrible for it. 

“Look, I know it’s… tempting to go to certain sites. To satisfy curiosity.”, Oskar goes on. Elsa makes a mental not to tell him how much she loves him later. “And while porn is certainly entertaining at times-” (Andrew lets out a groan when Oskar says the p-word) “-and masturbation is not shameful-” (both boys are suddenly very interested in the tabletop) “-porn might give you unrealistic expectations about sexuality. Because it’s actors with a script, and perfect bodies, and a make-up artist, and somebody to tell them what looks and sounds best.” 

“Real sex isn’t like that, and it shouldn’t be.”, Elsa chimes in. “It’s different for everyone, and sometimes it’s awkward or funny or someone farts or you fall off the bed-”

Oskar chuckles next to her-

“-and all of that is okay as long as you and whoever you’re having sex with is comfortable. Which is why it’s important to check in with your partner, to make sure they’re okay.” 

“Consent matters.”, Oskar adds. “Consent and safety. Lube. Condoms. That’s the part you _can_ look up on the internet. Just make sure to use them.”

“...what if… the girl is on the pill?”, Aaron asks meekly, looking up at his parents for about half a second. 

“Then you use one anyway.”, Oskar immediately replies, and Elsa adds, “The pill can fail. And condoms aren’t just to prevent pregnancies, they’re also the only way to prevent sexually transmittable diseases like HIV or chlamydia. For oral sex, too, by the way.” 

“Anyone could have an STI, some people don’t even know they have one. So, just, protect yourself. And your partner.”, Oskar goes on.

Then, they fall silent, and Elsa and Oskar exchange a look, both of them wondering if they’ve forgotten anything. 

“...do you have any questions so far?”, Elsa asks. She has noticed that Andrew has fallen very, very silent. He’s drawn one leg up on his chair, hiding behind his knee, fingers worrying on the bottom of his sweatpants.

“...no matter who you eventually end up liking enough to share your body with, please know that we’re always here for you.”, Oskar concludes, in a gentler tone of voice. He, too, has noticed the way Andrew has curled in on himself. 

Both boys nod, but neither of them is looking at their parents. 

“We’ll send you some actual, proper links to articles you can read.”, Elsa says. More nodding. 

“...now, let’s finally eat. Awkward conversations make me hungry. Andrew, hand me that Pad Thai, please.” And with that, Oskar breaks the ice, making the boys chuckle, reaching for the take-out containers. 

\--

After dinner, the boys both disappear to their respective rooms, and the parents are left behind to clean up the table, a little exception for tonight. 

“...do you even know how much I love you?”, Elsa asks, moving into Oskar’s arms the moment the kitchen door closes behind Aaron.

He laughs softly, hugging her against his gangly body, and presses a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, too, birdie.”

“We did a good job tonight.”

“We did.”

“We’re good parents.”

“We are.”

“It was a little awkward.” 

“It was. But that’s fine, I guess.” 

They fall silent while the dishwasher churns in the background, a weirdly comforting noise. 

“...I wonder when Andrew’s going to tell us.”, Elsa eventually says into Oskar’s t-shirt. 

“When he’s ready.”, her husband replies gently into her hair. “...all we can do is to let him know we love him regardless.” 

“Hmm. Because we do.”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments make a writer smile 😘


	6. Helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, yeah, little disclaimer: this might potentially be triggering for some people? Andrew has a pretty intense gay panic in this one. 
> 
> Otherwise, I really really like this chapter. And I hope you do, too. Y'all are gonna hate me by the end of it but uhh yeah haha

It’s Kevin’s birthday and his parents let him have an actual party. Not a kiddy-party like they used to have, the ones when they went to McDonald’s and ate so much junk food that the night inevitably ended with someone projectile vomiting in the car on the way home.

No. 

It’s going to be a real party, Kevin promises, in the basement of their house, and his parents have promised to stay upstairs in the living room.

 

Andrew kind of doesn’t want to go.  
He doesn’t even know why, but it makes him feel… anxious.   
It’s not like there are going to be many people he doesn’t know; it’s mostly the team and a few of Kevin’s friends from his neighbourhood who Andrew already sort of knows. 

Still. 

They sit at lunch on friday, the day before the party when Aaron leans across the table to Kevin and asks: “Did you invite any girls?” 

Andrew and Neil exchange an eyeroll. Aaron has really been into girls lately, for some reason, and it’s kind of embarrassing. 

Kevin blushes, high on his cheeks. “I mean, yeah, Renee? Allison and Dan?”   
Apparently that’s not a satisfying answer for Aaron who leans back and huffs. “They don’t count.”

“You said girls!”, Kevin defends himself. 

“Yeah but I mean… hot girls!” 

Neil lets out a retching noise.   
Aaron flips him off. 

Kevin looks kind of insecure now, looking between Aaron, Andrew and Neil. “Some of my neighbours are coming, too… a few of them are girls.” 

That seems to pique Aaron’s interest again. “Who?” 

Andrew reaches out and cuffs Aaron in the back of his head. “Stop, you’re being annoying. And embarrassing. As if any girls want to talk to _you_ .”

“Shut up!” Aaron shoots up from his seat, taking his lunch tray with him. “Just cause you-” 

Andrew hits the bottom of Aaron’s tray before he can finish that sentence, making his drinking glass fall over, spilling the rest of his juice on Aaron’s shirt. 

“Fuck, Andrew! You’re such an ass, I’m gonna tell mom about that later!”  
With that, Aaron stomps off, blushing from anger. 

Andrew just grabs his sandwich again and eats as if everything’s fine.

But that ugly little shaky feeling inside of him is back. Especially when he looks up and sees Neil eyeing him. But Neil doesn’t say anything, and so Andrew just looks down at his sandwich again. 

“Girls.”, Kevin scoffs, but there’s a contemplative tone to his voice when he says it.

\--

“Oh, you look really good!”, Mom says when Andrew comes down the stairs on saturday, dressed for the party. He spent way too much time picking out an outfit, and maybe he kind of did his hair a little but that’s just cause that’s what people in movies and books do before parties. He doesn’t really care, but he also doesn’t want to be the one underdressed person. 

He rolls his eyes at her, but she just smiles. “Aaron is already out by the car.” 

Of course. Aaron is so desperate for this party. 

Mom is not opening the door yet, even though she has her hand on the doorknob, and just gives Andrew this Mom-Look. 

“...what, Mom.”

“I really want you to have fun tonight, okay? But if anything makes you uncomfortable, you text me, yeah? Like, if people are drinking alcohol or-”

“Mooooooom, it’s just Kevin’s birthday, not some kind of wild party. His parents are going to be right there.”

Mom sighs, but shuts up and just holds up her hand. “...just saying. Text me. Or Dad.” 

Andrew holds his phone up in response. Mom nods, and opens the door. 

\--

While Dad, who’s driving them tonight, starts the car, Andrew jogs over to Neil’s house and rings the doorbell because they’re taking him, too. 

The door opens, and there’s a second where Andrew’s breath catches in his throat. 

Neil is wearing a black t-shirt and his hair is extra curly on top, and when he sees Andrew, he gives him a big smile, braces showing. 

(Buzz, buzz.)

“Hi!”

“Are you ready?”, Andrew grunts out, and then immediately wants to slap himself. 

But Neil just skips down the stairs, still smiling at him. “Yeah!” 

Andrew needs a second to snap back into motion, but then follows Neil to the car. 

\--

It’s about as awkward as Andrew imagined it would be.   
Kevin’s mom lets them in and tells them that Kevin is already downstairs and then she spends for sure at least an hour chatting with Dad.

The basement is decorated with garlands and the new stereo that Kevin got for his birthday (the perks of being an only child).   
The birthday boy himself is sitting awkwardly at the snack-laden table, surrounded by a handful of people. 

Kevin awkwardly introduces them.   
“So this is Thea, my neighbour, and Jeremy, my other neighbour…” Kevin points at a girl with lots of long braids and a blond, very tanned boy with lots of freckles who gives Andrew a smile as sweet as gummybears; Andrew fears that it’s a real one, too.   
“This is Neil, and Andrew and Aaron, we go to school together… and play exy together.” 

Andrew sees how Neil greets Jeremy, like he already knows him, which is possible- and for a second, Andrew starts feeling a certain sort of feeling creep up on him- until Neil says “I wanna sit next to you, Drew.” 

\--

After them, Allison and Dan show up, and then Matt and Renee. Sara, who used to be in little league with them, arrives last, making the party complete.   
Aaron seems to be satisfied with the amount of girls, and Andrew notices him stealing glances at Thea, who, as expected, entirely ignores him. 

They eat food, and drink soda, and Kevin insists on putting on all his new CDs that he got for his birthday. It’s okay.   
They talk, mostly about exy, but it’s a little awkward so Andrew doesn’t talk much.  
Luckily, someone suggests they play a board game after that, so they play Activity, and it’s actually really fun. Andrew’s group wins because Neil is so good at drawing, and it’s pretty satisfying. 

When they’re done playing, it gets awkward again, though.

“What now?”, Thea asks. Kevin looks a little lost. He’s bad at making decisions.

“Umm, we could… play Monopoly?”, he suggests, but none of them look all that happy about it.

“Ugh, boring! Let’s play something less childish!” Allison unfolds her long legs under her and jumps up from the ground, grabbing one of the empty soda bottles from the table. “Let’s play spin the bottle!”

\--

They sit in a circle on the floor and Andrew really wants to go home right now. 

He’s seen movies. He knows how this is going to end. 

And, looking around at all of the girls who, to be frank, all look really excited (all of them safe for Sara, maybe), he really, really is not into this. Not into any of them. Doesn’t want to kiss or whatever any of them.   
Maybe Renee? She’s cool, at least. Andrew still doesn’t want to kiss her.

Renee goes first. 

The bottle spins and lands on Neil; this is going to be an easy one because Renee is not the kind of person to come up with a mean idea.   
The girls are giggling anyway and Kevin looks super nervous and a little guilty because he’ll probably get in trouble if his parents find out about this. 

“Truth or dare?”, Renee asks. 

Neil chews on his lip for a moment before choosing “Truth…?” 

“When was the last time you went to church?” 

Oh, Renee. 

A few of them snicker, but Neil just shrugs. “We don’t really go to church, so… never I guess?” 

Everybody nods, unsure about what to do with this information. 

“Your turn, Neil.”, Allison moderates from her seat. 

Neil reaches out and spins the bottle. It lands on Matt, who declares “I choose Dare!”

“I… I dare you to do a handstand.”, Neil says after a moment of thinking, and Matt does, and it’s actually kind of fun because he ends up falling over and almost   
hitting Aaron in the face but it looks hilarious and Andrew has to laugh despite himself. 

And for a while, the game goes on all harmless.   
Matt dares Aaron to eat a spoon of mayonnaise.  
Dan replies “Peeing standing up, duh!”, when Aaron asks her what she’d do if she was a boy for a day (Andrew feels like Aaron was hoping for a different kind of answer, but anyways).  
Dan dares Allison to sing Happy Birthday for Kevin, which Allison does, making Kevin blush beet red. 

But then it’s Allison’s turn, and, as she spins the bottle, she says “Let’s spice this up a little.”

The bottle lands on Jeremy, who just giggles, folding a hand over his mouth for a second.   
“Oh no.Um. Dare?” He doesn’t look like he means the Oh No, though.

Allison, however, looks pretty smug. “I dare you to kiss the next person the bottle lands on!”, she declares, and immediately sparks an outraged discussion if that is an acceptable dare. They end up deciding that it’s only okay if the other person is fine with it. 

Andrew is pretty sure that all the girls hope the bottle will land on them; Jeremy isn’t exactly ugly. Actually, he’s pretty cu- ...handsome with those freckles and the- 

“Oooooooooh! Andrew!”  
Oh, fuck.

 

That traitorous bottle points at him, clearly, not even a little to the side, just straight at him. 

The others are giggling (safe for Neil next to him, who’s just looking at him with huge eyes).

Andrew immediately feels his cheeks flush and his stomach bottom out. “So, that, uh, means it’s not valid, right, because… I’m… we’re… both boys.” He has never, ever stuttered like this in his entire life and it makes him feel even worse. 

“Why wouldn’t it be?”, Sara asks with a shrug. 

“Yeah.”, Allison agrees, still looking smug as hell. 

Andrew feels like his brain is about to run hot and explode as he slowly looks up at Jeremy, who’s just smiling at him, cheeks just a little pink under those freckles, shrugging. 

Andrew means to say “I don’t want you to kiss me.” but at the same time he realizes with a start that that’s not true, and so what comes out when he opens his mouth is “You don’t have to.”   
Suddenly, it’s really quiet, safe for the Black Eyed Peas playing in the background. 

Jeremy laughs softly.   
“I don’t mind.”, he says.

He’s sitting almost exactly opposite of Andrew in the circle. 

Right now, he’s leaning forward slowly, coming onto all fours.

Andrew stops breathing. 

His heart is hammering so damn fast in his chest, about as fast as when he’s been running laps at the Court with Neil, because Neil always runs way too fast-

Jeremy is really close now, and for a second, Andrew can smell him- Axe body spray and a hint of that chocolate cake they had before- 

Andrew closes his eyes-

 

Jeremy’s lips land on his cheek, and Andrew’s entire body feels like it’s gonna fall through the floor right now, lights exploding behind his closed eyelids, a sack of butterflies opening up in his stomach.

 

 

The kiss lasts about 1 second, and then Jeremy’s gone again, sitting back on his heels and Andrew can feel his cheeks burn hot and everybody is laughing and hollering and Aaron is making gagging noises. 

Andrew barely hears them all over the sound of his beating heart.   
He feels Neil look at him from the side. He can see it out of the corner of his eyes. 

He doesn’t look back at him. 

 

Instead, he stumbles to his feet. “I-I need to go to the- the restroom-”

As he says it, he’s already running, and the last thing he hears before slamming the basement door shut behind him is everybody’s laughter dying down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger!!!!! If all goes as planned, the new chapter will be up in only a few days, so you won't have to fret for long.


	7. Upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy <3 this is another really emotional one

Kevin’s house has a backyard, and there’s stairs from the basement that lead directly out there. 

Andrew sprints up those stairs until he reaches the heavy steel door on top, the one he’s opened at least a hundred times already because that’s how often he’s been at Kevin’s house.  
It’s heavy, but Andrew rams his shoulder against it so hard that it hurts and then he’s stumbling into the evening air.

He slumps against the wall of the house and takes a few deep breaths- his heart is still beating like crazy, hammering away in his chest, and his cheeks still burn and to his horror, there’s that one ugly sensation really low in his throat that means he’s about to cry.

“Fuck.”, he whispers. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

His brain keeps replaying the memory of Jeremy leaning towards him, the feeling of Jeremy’s lips on his cheek-

He definitely hadn’t wanted any of the girls to kiss him, not even Renee, even though she’s really cool and they’re actually kind of friends.  
But Jeremy, who’s just Kevin’s friend that Andrew barely knows-   
Andrew cuts that thought off the second it comes up, because it makes him really uncomfortable and the sensation in his throat so much worse-

His brain also keeps replaying the others’ laughter, the way Aaron was gagging-

And then there’s also Dad’s voice in his head, from a conversation a few weeks ago:   
_“...no matter who you eventually end up liking enough to share your body with, please know that we’re always here for you.”_

And Mom, saying _“But if anything makes you uncomfortable, you text me, yeah?”_

Andrew takes out his phone because he’s so damn uncomfortable right now. His hands are shaky.  
He opens up the chat with Mom, but before he can start typing, the door next to him opens gently, in a way Neil sometimes opens doors-

“Andrew?” 

It’s Jeremy.   
Andrew’s hands shake harder. “Go away.”

But Jeremy doesn’t. Instead, he says, “...I… I, um, wanted to say sorry. I didn’t think it would upset you like this, and, I… I feel really bad that I kissed you. Sorry.” 

There a soft, awkward shakiness to Jeremy’s voice, and yet somehow, he still sounds like the nicest person on the earth for some reason. Andrew is starting to suspect that that’s just the kind of person Jeremy is. Also, it makes it really hard to be angry at him. 

“...I should have just… said no.”, Andrew replies softly. 

“Did you want to say no?”, Jeremy asks gently, and Andrew feels his breath hitch.  
There’s a beat of silence between them.

“Guess… not.” 

He can see Jeremy’s smile in the twilight as he leans against the wall next to Andrew. He doesn’t say anything. 

“Are you…?”  
Andrew doesn’t know what compels him to ask. 

“Uh-huh.” Jeremy nods, smile still in place. “Um, assuming you meant to say… gay.”   
Just like this.   
He says it. 

There’s more silence, because Andrew for the life of him can’t make his body form words.

“...Kevin made everyone stop playing, and, um, I think your friend, Neil, kind of yelled at people for laughing?”, Jeremy eventually says. “...so, you… um, could come back inside with me if you want to.” 

“...I… I think I wanna go home.”, Andrew admits. “Can you tell Neil and my brother?” Out of some kind of stupid impulse, he adds, “...my brother’s the one who looks like me.” in a halfheartedly funny tone.

It does make Jeremy giggle, though, and Andrew feels a little better for a second.   
“I can.”, Jeremy says, pushing away from the wall. “...sorry again.” 

“ ‘s okay.”, Andrew whispers.   
As the door closes behind Jeremy, he eventually manages to text Mom after all. 

\--

“What’s wrong?”, Mom asks the moment Andrew climbs into the car. She sounds really concerned and it makes Andrew feel like shit.

“...upset stomach.”, he mumbles, sitting down and buckling up. Aaron is getting into the passenger seat. He hasn’t said a word to Andrew apart from, “Mom’s coming?” 

Like this, Neil is left to sit in the backseat with Andrew.   
Andrew keeps his eyes trained out of the window. 

“Oh, no! Did you eat too much cake?”, Mom asks, pulling out of Kevin’s driveway, “Do you need to puke?!” 

“Noooo, Mom.” Andrew slumps back in his seat. He really doesn’t want to deal with this right now. Actually, he just wants to be in bed. He’s still feeling really shaky. 

“Okay. Sorry for asking.”, Mom huffs in reply. “How was the party?” 

Andrew just grunts; he really really doesn’t want to talk right now. He can feel Neil’s eyes on him, and he does his best to ignore him.

Aaron answers. “It was fun.”

“Yeah? What did you do all night?”, Mom asks.   
Andrew feels himself tense up.

“Ate… listened to music… played board games…”, Aaron replies. He doesn’t say anything else and it’s probably the most convincing lie he’s ever told; pretending everything was fine.   
Andrew lets out a breath, as quietly as possible.

He sees Neil move out of the corner of his eye, and he can’t help it- he looks over to him. 

Neil looks worried, his dark eyebrows drawn together, but also fierce.

 

And really pretty in the moonlight that comes in through the car window. 

Something pops inside Andrew. It feels like a bubblegum bubble, one that’s been blown up way too big until the gum is stretched thin enough to be see-through. 

He bites his lower lip, hard, but it wobbles anyway, and his eyes start swimming with tears, making his vision blurry. 

Mom and Aaron are still chatting in the front seats.   
Andrew looks forward again, trying his best to not let the tears roll down his cheeks, but failing. He wipes them away angrily, pawing at his cheeks.

He doesn’t want to think about this right now- not now. Tomorrow morning. Right now, everything is too much, too many feelings, too much fear, too much-

Neil’s hand wraps around his wrist and gently pulls. Andrew’s first instinct is to pull away- but he thinks better of it.  
He’s too tired, and Neil’s hand is warm and nice. 

It slips down his wrist, and eventually, their fingers intertwine, sending warm tingles up Andrew’s arm.

 

Their joined hand rest between them on the middle seat for the rest of the drive. Andrew manages to wipe all of his tears away until they’re home.


	8. Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, guys! Hope you all enjoy the new chapter though :)

“Andrew?” 

Dad’s voice sounds from outside the door; it’s 11:30, and apparently, someone has caught on to him not sleeping anymore. 

Monster jumps up from his bed and over to the door, whining and pawing at it- she probably has to pee after staying here with him all night. 

“Andrew, are you awake?”, Dad asks again.

Andrew rolls onto his back in bed. He’s been awake for hours, but he wanted to pretend not to be. “...yah.”

“Can I come in?”

“...yah.” 

Dad opens the door and Monster bounds at him, wagging her tail briefly before zipping by him and probably towards her doggy door and somewhere with a lawn.

Dad is standing in the doorframe, fully dressed in jeans and a t-shirt of some band that was probably cool back in the stone age.   
“You wanna get doughnuts?”, he asks. 

Andrew squints up at him. 

“...we can go to the bookstore after.”, Dad adds. 

God damn it.   
“...yeah. I’ll get dressed.” 

\--

Their doughnut place is full, but not full enough to prevent them from getting a table. 

They splurge and get an entire 10 piece box, and Andrew drinks hot chocolate and Dad drinks coffee with almond milk.   
Normally, Andrew would rack on him for choosing a “healthier” milk alternative when they’re about to eat something that’s literally been fried in fat, but not today.

He still feels kind of shitty, like his head is stuck in a rain cloud, and he keeps picking at his doughnuts without the usual enthusiasm. 

“So, how was the party?”, Dad asks casually after a minute of silent donut-eating.

Andrew just shrugs. “Fine.”

“What did you do all evening?”

“Not much. Ate. Played games.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Hmm.”

Dad gives him a long look across the table, one that makes Andrew pull up his shoulders a little. 

“...are you going to tell me what happened that made you so sick that you had to be picked up early?”, he asks, and Andrew’s blood stops in his veins. 

He can feel his heart beat, once. Twice. 

There are some lies that go over his lips with ease, like who ate the last piece of cake (not him, Aaron), or who wrote that swear word on the whiteboard (not Neil, him). The lies about small, petty stuff.  
But this is neither small nor petty.  
He keeps his eyes on his mini marshmallow doughnut and says: “Kids were playing truth or dare.”

Dad lets out a soft, understanding groan on the other side of the table, but doesn’t ask another question. The request, or the offer, for Andrew to elaborate hangs in the air between them. 

“...someone got dared to kiss… someone.” Andrew goes on. Maybe he shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe he should shut up right now.   
But he needs his Dad to hear, and to say it’s okay, because _he_ doesn’t feel okay at all.

“...and that person picked you?”, Dad asks softly. 

Andrew nods. His throat is tight all of a sudden. 

“...and that made you uncomfortable?”, Dad asks, and his voice is real serious.

Andrew quickly shakes his head. It did make him uncomfortable, but not in the way Dad probably thinks. Maybe it made him a little… too comfortable? It was really hard to say, to put these emotions into words.

“He… was really nice. And. ...kinda cute.” The words almost gets lost between the doughnuts. Andrew wants to hide his burning face behind his cocoa.  
He takes a deep breath.  
“He kissed me, and I liked it, more than a little, and th-that made me....”

“...panic?”, Dad supplies gently. 

Andrew nods. His fingers dig into the mug, denting the styrofoam. At least they can‘t shake like this. He cannot, by the life of him, look at Dad right now. 

A warm hand curls around his forearm, strong and reassuring. 

„Andrew.“, Dad says quietly, and yup, there come the tears. Andrew blinks really hard, but one of them manages to escape anyway.   
Fuck. He bites his lip. 

„Andrew.“, Dad repeats, „Thank you for telling me. I‘m really proud that you trust me enough to talk to me about this.“   
It doesn‘t even sound stiff; it sounds genuine and emotional. It sounds like Dad. 

Andrew finally looks up, wiping that dumb tear away with his sleeve before he does. Dad‘s eyes rest on him, and he‘s smiling. 

„You‘re not… surprised?“   
Now that he thinks about it, his parents reacting negatively was never… an option. Sure, he had never expected to be kicked out or whatever, having to deal with the shit people like him dealt with in the movies or in some of his books. Still.

The face that Dad makes at him gives it away: his smile turns fond, and he shrugs.   
„Mom and I might have started suspecting something when you put up that really big Narnia movie poster up in your room. The one that had only Peter on it?“ 

Andrew can feel himself blush. „...I really liked that movie.“

„You sure did.“, Dad says, still smiling. „...and also when, in kindergarten, you told us you wanted to marry Neil when you grow up.“ 

Andrew‘s stomach does a swoop, and he chokes. „I didn‘t say that!“ His cheeks, already having blushed, now positively burn.

„You did.“, Dad says with a nod, and Andrew can only manage a mumbled „Shut up.“  
He quickly grabs his doughnut and resumes eating. 

Dad pulls his hand away and wraps it around his own cup instead.   
„D‘you still want to marry Neil?“, he asks, and even though Andrew still feels really shaky, he has to laugh. 

„Dad, stop!“ 

„Sorry.“, Dad laughs, but the laugh quickly turns into another one of those serious smiles. „Are… you guys are not dating or anything, are you?“

„I wouldn‘t have let the guy at the party kiss me if we were.“, Andrew says way too fast. It‘s not like he‘s been thinking about just this for the past ten hours or so. Too late, it occurs to him that the way he worded this gives a bit too much away, and he sees in Dad‘s face that he heard the unsaid. 

He doesn‘t poke further though, and Andrew is grateful for it. 

As they finish their doughnuts in comfortable and a far less tense silence, Andrew wonders how Dad got the idea him and Neil are… would be… could be together. Just because they are friends?   
Andrew genuinely does not remember wanting to marry Neil as a child, but the knowledge of it makes him feel weird, like there is something going on right outside his grasp, right out of arms‘ reach. 

Neil is his best friend, after all. And isn‘t it… normal, to really like a best friend? To be unable to imagine anyone else by one‘s side? For that best friend to be one‘s favorite person?

Andrew remembers Jeremy. 

He wonders if he could imagine kissing Jeremy again. Sitting in the tree house with him. Introducing him to Monster.  
But the thoughts feel hollow, and Neil keeps showing up in them. He remembers Neil holding his hand last night.

Luckily, Dad pulls him from his thoughts before he can go any deeper.   
„So, d‘you still wanna go to Barnes&Noble?“ 

-

„Excuse me, do you have an LGBT section?“, Dad asks the second they enter the store, and Andrew wants to die.

The clerk, a young man in black rimmed glasses, just smiles and points them in the right direction though.   
Dad strides into the aisle, throwing an encouraging smile back over his shoulder. 

Andrew trudges after him, vaguely ashamed, vaguely embarrassed. Dad stops in front of a shelf that is sorted to look like a rainbow. 

Dad still had that encouraging smile on, and is already getting out his phone to open the Goodreads app. „You can pick one, if you want to! Or, no! You can pick a few. It‘s a big day for you, today, it‘s your-“

„Dad!“, Andrew interrupts, „Can you, like, stop for a moment?“   
He feels mean saying it because he knows Dad means well and wants to be encouraging and he really does appreciate book shopping with Dad because Dad always buys him at least one book- but right now, it‘s all a bit much. 

Dad‘s smile has fallen a little, but he nods. „Uh. Yeah. Sure. Sorry, I‘m- ...that was a bit much wasn‘t it. I just…“   
He turns, looking down at Andrew with that Dad expression. „I just really want you to know that I support you.“

„Thanks, Dad.“ Andrew means it. „...but could you maybe support me by.. maybe looking in a different aisle for a few minutes?“ 

Dad nods. „Of course, buddy. I‘ll… I‘ll be right over there.“ He points vaguely in the direction of the fantasy and sci-fi aisle. 

Once he‘s wandered off, the first thing Andrew does is slump against the edge of one of the shelves and let out a deep breath. What a day. Or two days. Ever since yesterday, things seem to have shifted in his life. Or maybe just in his head.

He‘s damn proud that he managed to tell Dad, though. Of course Dad was kind of an easy one. Dad would probably still love and support him if he somehow managed to land himself in juvie. 

Still.   
Even though Andrew still feels like a boulder is weighing him down, it‘s as if a bit of it got chipped away. 

-

„Simon versus the Homo Sapiens Agenda!“, the clerk reads off the book cover, „That‘s a really good one.“, he adds, and Andrew blushes at the wink that comes with that sentence.

He has ended up picking three books: that Simon book, a comic called Heartstopper, and one called The Raven Boys that he found in the fantasy aisle. Dad pays, and they drive back home, each of them with a bag full of brand-new, nice-smelling books.   
On the way home, Andrew‘s fingers itch with the need to start one of his new books right now. 

„Andrew.“, Dad says suddenly when they‘re at a red light, „...about Mom. I won‘t tell her anything about today if you don‘t want me to.“

Andrew considers it.   
Mom, for sure, will be cool with whatever is going on with him right now. The problem is more that Andrew himself has no idea what‘s really going on. He needs more time to sort out his thoughts. And not to be mean, but Dad knowing feels a little bit more… weighty. Not that he doesn‘t love Mom- he does, she‘s great. But Aaron‘s the mama‘s boy, not him. Andrew‘s always had a closer relationship with Dad, which is fine, he thinks. 

„I‘ll talk to her.“, he replies. „...soon.“ 

Dad just nods once, and shoots him a brief smile before the light turns green. 

-

At home, Andrew starts reading the Simon book. 

He finishes right before midnight, reading under the covers with his phone light to illuminate the pages. He‘s going to be so tired tomorrow, but it‘s worth it.


	9. Brave, pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys :) sorry for the long wait (again, lmao) but I struggled with this chapter. Thank you for all your kind, sweet comments! I'm always overwhelmed by your support. 
> 
> Warning: MINOR (like, barely any) spoilers for Love, Simon

„You look tired.“ Mom puts the butter down on the table in front of him. „Did you stay up all night reading again?“   
She sits down in front of him with a mug of tea cradled in one of her hands and her baby belly in the other. 

It‘s already noon, and she‘s dressed for the day, but Andrew just woke up and still feels really groggy from sleeping in this late, so he just nods and sips the coffee she made him. He‘s allowed to drink coffee on sundays. 

„What did you read?“, she asks casually. 

„Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda.“

„Oh? What‘s it about?“ 

Andrew hesitates. „...it‘s… a high school story.“, he says non-committally. „They just made a movie about it.“

„Oh, cool! Did you enjoy it?“ 

„Yeah.“

„Nice.“

There‘s a brief silence in between them. The house is oddly quiet today because Dad and Aaron are out fishing. 

„Do you wanna do anything nice today?“, Mom asks, but it feels more like an encouragement. 

Andrew just shrugs. „...I think I just want to relax today.“

„Is your homework done?“

„Of course, Mom.“ Andrew gives her an eyeroll. 

She gives him a smile across the table but it barely reaches her eyes. Something feels off. „...don‘t forget to walk the dog.“

„I won‘t.“ Another eyeroll; he can‘t help it. 

„Sorry.“ She stands up, taking her mug with her. „I‘ll be in my office.“  
Mom‘s writing one of her books right now, which takes up a lot of her time. Right now, Andrew is a little glad that she‘ll be in her room for most of the day. 

 

-

„Andrew?“  
When Andrew returns from his walk and the dog park, Mom sticks her head out from her office. „That was a long walk!“

„We went to the dog park.“, he explains, putting Monster‘s leash on the hook by the door. Monster herself gives Mom a brief wag of her tail and then trudges off into the living room for a well-deserved nap. 

„That‘s nice, sweetie.“, Mom says with a smile. Right when Andrew is about to excuse himself to his room again, she follows up with „Listen, I googled that movie you told me about this morning. That Simon one. It‘s on amazon, and, uh, we could watch it together if you want to. Since Aaron and your Dad will be out all day, I thought. I‘ll make some popcorn. D‘you want to?“ 

It‘s clearly an offer of peace, or whatever. An offer of some sort. The stingy teenager in Andrew‘s head wants to tell her no and just go to bed, but… ugh. He feels guilty just looking at her hopeful smile. 

„Yeah, sure… but… did you read what it‘s about?“, he asks tentatively. Just to make sure. 

Mom‘s insecure smile turns into a genuinely happy one and Andrew knows he really did the right thing. „Yeah! It sounds really cute.“ 

„Cool.“ Andrew hesitates. „...I think I want to shower first, though.“

„Sure. Yeah! Of course!“ Mom‘s nod is only slightly exaggerated. „Hey, maybe we‘ll order some pizza! Do you want pizza? I think I‘m craving pizza!“ 

Andrew just nods, slighly bewildered, and then makes his way to the bathroom. 

-

Mom does order pizza, and makes popcorn, AND even puts out a bottle of coke for Andrew. This is definitely some kind of ploy to get him to talk.  
They cuddle up on the sofa, and Mom turns on the tv. 

„Eww, Mom, really? Pineapple?“, Andrew asks when they open their pizza boxes. 

Mom shrugs and laughs. „It‘s the baby. Your little sister wants weird foods.“ 

It‘s still a little strange to hear Mom and Dad refer to the baby as „your sister“. They haven‘t known it‘s going to be a girl for a long time yet, and Andrew still needs to get used to the thought of a baby sister.   
Andrew decides a little baby can have pineapple on pizza if she wants to. She doesn’t know any better yet. 

„Ready?“, Mom asks, and starts the movie. 

It doesn’t take long for Andrew to realize that this choice of movie was a bad idea to watch with his mother.   
First of all, the actor playing Simon is… really hot. Andrew tries to ignore it, but he can’t help it. He kind of reminds Andrew of a few older boys at school. 

That’s not the worst thing though. No. The worst thing is the feeling Andrew gets when Simon repeatedly fails to say the g-word.  
And when he comes out to Abby. And when Simon thinks about who might be Blue. And when he fantasizes about kissing that other guy under the mistletoe.   
It’s not like he’s not enjoying the movie, but never has he been this tense while watching a movie he enjoys. 

Mom doesn’t say anything the entire time, apart from a few chuckles and a few „awwww“s.   
And then comes the scene, that one scene when everything becomes awful for Simon, and suddenly, Andrew’s throat is closing up as he watches Simon stare at his computer in disbelief.   
He tries his hardest not to let it get to him, threads his fingers into Monster‘s fur (she sneakily cuddled up to him halfway through the movie) and bites his tongue.   
When he sneaks a glance over to Mom, he can see that her brows are furrowed deeply, and she’s cradling her belly with one hand, chewing on the nails of her other one. 

And then there’s that scene with Simon and his mom.   
It’s just a movie, shit, but it feels… it feels like he knows exactly what Simon feels like right now, like they’re in the same boat. That fear, that dread, that helplessness. 

Andrew can’t help it anymore.   
He starts crying.   
Andrew never cries. Never. The last time he cried was probably like, a year ago. But right now, it feels like everything is coming out: fear, dread, insecurity, helplessness. Big, hot tears running down his cheeks and catching on his lips and chin.

He tries to hide it, but he has to wipe at his cheeks, and from the corner of his eyes he sees Mom look over to him, and she does a double take, but then she’s already pausing the movie and sitting up on the sofa, and then she’s next to him and her arm is around him, pulling him in, and she doesn’t even ask what’s wrong, just hugs him into her side, letting him cry. 

And he’d never admit it, but it feels good, to be hugged by Mom like this, and to just… let it all out. She’s got her arm wrapped around him tightly and her hand in his hair and her nails are gently scratching at his scalp.  
“Shh… sweetie…”, is the first thing she says after a while, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Let it out.” 

And Andrew does.   
Because it’s been stuck inside him for what suddenly feels like ages. He doesn’t even know when it started, this… feeling-different. The hiding. 

“I love you so much, Andrew.” Mom’s voice is soft and soothing, and it helps Andrew’s breath to slow down a little, even though the sobs are still deep enough to hurt his chest. 

“It’s okay, baby. It’s fine.” Her voice is so steady and gentle, but when Andrew looks up, there’s a tear on her cheek as well.   
“You’re perfect the way you are, you know. We love you so much.”

“I know.” He manages to press that out between sobs, because he does know. “ ‘s hard.”

“Of course it is. Of course.” 

Andrew tries to take deep breaths to calm down, and somewhat succeeds. Mom keeps holding him, way longer than she’s probably held him in ages, but it’s okay. 

“Do you want to stop watching the movie?”, she asks after a while. 

Andrew shakes his head. He knows how things end, after all.   
So Mom presses play, and they continue watching, Andrew’s head on Mom’s shoulder and her arm around him, gently stroking his hair. 

-

There is one more conversation Andrew fears. Most of all. 

Everyone else doesn’t matter. But there is one person who matters so much. 

Neil skips down the stairs on monday morning, curls bobbing over his forehead, braces shimmering in the morning sun as he smiles at Andrew. “Ready?” 

“Hmm.”, Andrew hums. He knows this is going to be a really hard day, because he’s really nervous. He’s just glad that a lot of people from Kevin’s party don’t go to their school. 

On their way to the bus, Aaron and Neil are talking about their Exy game next weekend, so Andrew can kind of tune out and walk behind them. In his head, he tries to formulate a sentence- has been, all morning.   
But how to tell your best friend that you want to talk to him without making it sound super serious? Or suspicious? 

Andrew thinks about it all the way to school on the bus, but luckily, Neil and his brother are both used to him not talking a whole lot, so his silence is hopefully not too weird.   
By the time they’ve reached the school, Andrew still hasn’t come up with anything. 

Him and Neil are in separate classes this morning, and so, pretty much as soon as they reach school, Neil says good-bye- and Andrew can feel himself starting to panic. What for, he’s not sure- he’s definitely going to see Neil during lunch and other classes later, but somehow, it feels like he has to tell him NOW-  
but Neil is already walking away from them- 

“Hey, Neil!”

Neil half turns, looking back at him with the trace of a smile on his lips still, and Andrew’s heart goes ba-dunk again.   
Next to him, Aaron clicks his tongue, quiet but sharp.

“...can you meet me at the treehouse after school today?” It sounds dumb, and lame, and it’s a weird thing to ask Neil now, but at least he did. 

Neil furrows his brows a little, but then nods. “Sure. See you at lunch!”

As he walks off, Aaron lets out a very ironic “Smooth.” under his breath.   
Andrew whips around and gives him his best death glare. “I’ll beat you up.”

Aaron just lets out an unimpressed noise. “You can do that later, we’ve got class now.” 

-

Andrew’s heart hammers all the way into his throat when he sees Neil’s curls sticking over the edge of the tree house platform.   
“Hi.”, Neil says, pulling himself all the way up there and sitting on the edge next to Andrew. 

 

“...hi.”, Andrew manages. 

“Are you feeling better?”, Neil asks, making Andrew blush. 

Andrew kinda shrugs, kinda inclines his head. “Yah.” 

“Good.”, Neil says with a bit of a smile. “D’you wanna play Exy in the garden? We can use the garage door as goal-”

“I wanna talk to you first.”, Andrew says quickly before his courage leaves him, because it feels like it it’s about to any minute now. 

Neil’s eyebrows shoot up, but he stays in place, face turned expectantly at Andrew.   
Andrew takes a deep breath and then really quickly says: “I don’t think I like girls.” and it’s like ripping off a band-aid really fast. 

Neil blinks at him, once, and that second is enough for Andrew to feel like he’s gonna fall off the platform. 

And then he scrunches his nose like he sometimes does, and shrugs. “Boys then?”

“Yeah.”, Andrew answers. He clamps his hands around the edge of the platform to keep them from shaking, and he still can’t look at Neil- but he did it. 

“Cool.”, is all that Neil says. They sit in silence for a long moment until Neil asks, “So does that mean you’re gonna get a boyfriend now?” 

The question catches Andrew so off-guard that he has to laugh. “I don’t know. Maybe. Like, when I’m older, though.” 

Neil hums thoughtfully. “...it needs to be somebody who plays Exy.” 

Andrew eyes him suspiciously. “I’m not gonna get a boyfr-”

“Like Jeremy!”, Neil squeals in a teasing tone, immediately jumping up and scrambling down the treehouse ladder before Andrew can make a move. Andrew is close behind him, face beet red, heart hammering in his chest, and his lips stretched into the broadest smile.


	10. Crushing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!!! The next part will be The Summer of Andrew Minyard, a short (hopefully) oneshot about Andrew's time at home while Neil is in Europe. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this last chapter. Thank you again for all of your overwhelming support. <3   
> Come follow me on Tumblr if you haven't already, my blog name is marmelade-sky.

The summer holidays are creeping closer, and Andrew can’t wait. Usually, they spend a few weeks at the beach, but since the baby is due in June, they’re staying home this year. Mom and Dad offered them to send them to summer camp, but Aaron, the baby, has a bit of a hard time staying somewhere without Mom, and Andrew, if he’s honest, doesn’t want to risk not being there when their sister is born. 

Mom is huge now, and she can’t even tie her own shoelaces anymore, and Dad does all of the chores around the house, and so are Aaron and Andrew, but it’s not such a big deal because Mom literally can’t do much but lie around.   
Last weekend, Dad roped them into painting the baby’s room which used to be Dad’s office, and Andrew called up Neil to help. Neil suggested painting a bunch of stars above where the crib is going to be, and it ended up looking really nice, nice enough for Mom to gasp “Oh! How beautiful!” and hug Neil to her side after waddling into the room. 

Things with Neil are normal. As normal as they can be, actually, even though Andrew finds himself fighting off thoughts about Neil that are a lot more than just friendly on the regular.   
Damn hormones. 

The last few years, Neil actually came with them on vacation, but since they’re not going this year, Stuart is taking him to Europe. 

“Are you excited to go?”, Andrew asks one afternoon when they sit outside in the backyard with iced tea and cookies, Monster begging for crumbs by pushing her snout against Andrew’s leg repeatedly. 

Neil shrugs. “Kinda? I mean, London is supposed to be pretty cool.”

“You’re gonna come back and talk funny.”, Andrew smirks. Neil answers with a grin and a shove against Andrew’s shoulder that makes him spill a little bit of tea over Monster’s snout. They dissolve into laughter as she first sneezes and then runs her long tongue over her nose in irritation. 

When they’ve calmed down again, Neil leans back onto his hands and stares up into the blue sky.   
“Five weeks is real long, though.”, he says, and then, after a glance to Andrew, “I’ll miss you.”

Andrew feels like that one time when Kevin accidentally hit him into the chest with a particularly hard shot. He holds his breath for a second, and then just says “Eww.”, but in a way he knows Neil understands as ‘I’ll miss you too’. 

“I’ll send you a post card from every city we go to!”, Neil promises, voice full of smile, “And I’ll text you every day. Okay? And if your sister is born before I come back, you need to send a picture.”

Andrew just nods and takes a big gulp of iced tea. To be honest, there’s no-one he would like to share that with more than Neil. He can’t say that, but it’s okay because he knows that Neil probably knows. 

“You need to promise, Drew.”  
Neil sticks out his hand, and the expression on his face is serious. 

Andrew rolls his eyes, but takes Neil’s hand, and they shake. “I promise.”

Neil’s serious frown relaxes into a smile, and then, before Andrew can do anything about it, Neil uses Andrew’s hand to pull himself closer to Andrew and place his head on his shoulder. 

-

The last few weeks of school fly by like the wind, and then, Andrew is holding his report card in hand and walking out of the school building for the last time this school year.  
His grades are fine (not as good as Aaron’s, but whatever), and the freedom of summer makes him feel light and good. Neil leaving tomorrow morning is kind of a bummer, but right now, he’s gonna ignore than in favor of the pizza party Coach is throwing for them tonight, and the weeks of freedom that lie ahead. 

-  
“Andrew? Do you wanna stay overnight at my place tonight?”   
They’re relaxing on the Minyard’s sofa, watching cartoons because it’s too damn hot to go outside. 

When Andrew, shocked for a second, doesn’t react immediately, Neil turns to him, his blue eyes big. “I bet Stuart would allow it! And you could ask your mom right now… I mean I’ll be gone for the entire summer… so… they won’t say no for sure, right?” 

“Right.”, Andrew manages.   
It’s not like him and Neil have never stayed over at each other’s places. But somehow, it feels a little different right now.   
He can see Aaron is looking at him from the other end of the sofa with the most shit-eating smirk ever. 

“Yeah, I’ll ask mom when she wakes up from her nap.”, Andrew replies. Neil gives him a smile and leans back on the sofa, stretching.

Andrew catches Aaron’s eyes, and then kicks him as hard as he can without alerting Neil, which is pretty hard.

The painful wince on Aaron’s face is just a small satisfaction, though. 

-

Mom says yes.

Throughout the entire pizza party, Andrew feels way more giddy than a pizza party justifies, but he doesn’t want to think about it too much. 

They do have fun. Coach tells them all to be good during the summer, and to show up to as many trainings as they can. Andrew knows it pains Neil that he won’t be able to be on Court for five entire weeks.   
Him and Kevin and the others make plans to meet at the pool a lot and to just hang out, which, Andrew knows, is only going to be half as fun without Neil, but he also knows he can’t stay in his room and sulk the entire summer.   
When they’re leaving, Kevin actually hugs Neil a little awkwardly, and Coach claps him on the back, and then Stuart picks them up in his Mercedes (which, in Andrew’ opinion, is way cooler than Mom’s and Dad’s Subaru). 

Neil keeps giving him excited smiles throughout the entire drive, and they make Andrew’s heart beat faster. 

Andrew still needs to go get his pyjamas and his toothbrush from home when they arrive, and so he follows Aaron to their house. 

Aaron waits until he has enough of a headstart on Andrew on the stairs up to their rooms, and then turns around.   
“Have fun smooching Neil!”, he tells Andrew, and then he’s already running, a furiously blushing Andrew on his heels. 

Aaron manages to slip into his room and slam the door shut just in time before Andrew gets to him, but Andrew swears he’s going to make him pay for that tomorrow. 

“Fuck you!”, he yells through the door. From downstairs, Dad shouts “Language!”, voice muffled by the living room door.   
Inside his room, Aaron makes kissy noises. 

Andrew swears it to himself in that moment: when Aaron has his first girlfriend, his life is going to be living hell. 

-

Neil waits for him on the front porch, having already changed into pyjamas, looking ruffled and a little tired and… cute. 

They’ve already established they they’ll have to go straight to bed, because Neil needs to be up at 6 tomorrow to drive to the airport, and so they make their way up to Neil’s room after saying good night to Stuart who’s in the living room, watching some strange french movie. 

Neil’s room is really nice. It’s not as neat as Andrew’s, but it’s really big and Neil put up all sorts of posters and paintings he made. Photos, too. Right by Neil’s bed, there’s one of their team from back when they were in little league, him and Andrew arm in arm, smiling after a victory, faces still red and sweaty. 

They decide to just pull Neil’s mattress off the bed frame and put it next to the spare mattress Andrew is going to sleep on.   
Andrew lies down, feeling his heart beat into his throat, and Neil, after switching off the lights, crawls in under the covers next to him.   
For a moment, they’re both quiet.

Neil likes to sleep with the blinds open, and so the light from the street lamp outside paints the walls in low, orange light. 

Andrew follows the pattern it makes with his eyes.

He hears the sheets rustle as Neil turns to his side, facing Andrew.

“Drew?”, he asks into the silence between them.   
Andrew slowly turns his head, even though he’s not quite sure if he can manage to look at Neil right now.  
“Yeah?”

“...can you promise me again that we’ll stay in contact while I’m away?”   
Neil’s braces reflect the light as he talks.

“...of course.” Andrew turns all the way to his side, too, like Neil did before, and now they’re properly facing each other and Neil is real close, and Andrew is kind of embarrassed to admit but right now his blood is… not rushing to his head. 

Neil nods a little. His eyes dart across Andrew’s face.   
Andrew can see that something is going on inside Neil’s head, and oh, fuck, he really wishes it was the same thing that’s going on in his own.

“...can we cuddle?”

The question throws Andrew so hard that he doesn’t know what to say for a moment, and so he just nods.

Neil scoots closer, grabbing Andrew’s arm and maneuvering it around himself, and then he curls his head in a bit and fits his face right below Andrew’s chin. Andrew can feels Neil’s breath on his chest now, warm and a little humid, and Andrew hopes he can’t hear how fast his heart is beating. Neil’s curls tickle his cheek and his nose and Andrew can smell Neil’s shampoo, and a little bit of sweat.

He’s so hard that he has to scoot back his hips to prevent Neil from brushing against his boner before he wraps his arm around Neil properly. 

“Good night, Drew.” Neil’s voice is muffled against Andrew’s t-shirt.  
“Good night.”, Andrew replies, voice cracking. 

He lies awake for over an hour, listening to Neil’s breath slowly evening out, before sleep overtakes him, too. 

-

The alarm clock is way too loud and comes way too early the next morning. Andrew startles awake, but is held back from sitting up in bed by a weight on his arm: Neil. 

He must have turned around during the night, because Neil’s back is to him, now, which means they were spooning, which is definitely something Andrew should NOT think about too hard right now because of obvious reasons. 

Neil, too, wakes, but slower than Andrew. Andrew can see him starting to stir, then stretch, then slowly open his eyes.

He looks as grumpy as Andrew feels.   
“Ugggggggggghhhhh…”, he groans, throwing an arm over his eyes as Andrew reaches for the phone to turn the alarm off. 

From outside Neil’s door, they hear Stuart’s footsteps, and then a knock at the door. “Wakey wakey! Get decent, the taxi is arriving in 15 minutes!”

Neil answers with another groan, but actually sits up, only to collapse against Andrew’s side again.

Andrew feels really, really courageous when he wraps his arms around Neil. “Come on. Your flight…” 

He really doesn’t want Neil to go, and so they sit like this for at least 5 minutes, and then they end up having to rush to get dressed- well, Neil does. Andrew stays in his PJs, since he’s definitely going back to bed once he’s home (also that gives him time to calm down a certain overly excitable body part of his, so there’s that). 

And then it’s time to say goodbye.

Stuart is already loading their suitcases into the taxi, and they’re standing by the front porch.   
“Guess it’s time to go for you.”, Andrew says, trying to sound like he doesn’t care as much as he does.

Neil sighs, turning to him. “I guess.”

“Enjoy fucking up Europe.”, Andrew tells him and it comes out real soft and mushy.  
Neil gives him a lopsided grin.

“Dunk Kevin a few times for me at the pool, yeah?”

“Promised.” 

From the taxi, Stuart yells, “Neil!”, startling them both.

“Go.”, Andrew tells Neil.

Neil takes a step forward but immediately turns back around. “I’ll miss you.” 

And for the first time, Andrew says “I’ll miss you too.” instead of something stupid. 

“Neil! Come on!”, Stuart yells again.

“Good-bye, Neil.”, Andrew says.

And then, faster than Andrew can look, Neil rushes forward and presses a kiss to his cheek before running off towards the taxi, yelling “Bye, Drew!” and jumping into the taxi. 

As they drive off, Neil waving furiously from the back seat, Andrew stands there, in the Hatford’s front yard, stunned, waving back mechanically. 

The taxi turns around the corner at the end of the street. 

Andrew’s hand sinks, fingers brushing against his cheeks where Neil’s kiss still burns on his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would y'all be interested in me doing, like, a Q&A on my blog about this fic? Let me know in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> Comment to let me know what you think!


End file.
